Last night, I caught you looking at me and saw the fantasies you were spinning in your head. For a while, I thought about indulging you because I felt reckless and in control. Then you caught me watching. You saw, you judged, and you threw me out in the cold.
I should have been hurt but I don’t really care. I have stopped caring long ago. Another man like you broke my heart ages ago and it’s never been replaced. I’m hollow in there. Nothing matters.
Today, I saw you again. You were sitting alone at a corner table in my favorite coffee shop preoccupied with whatever it is you’re doing on your laptop. Meanwhile, I was fascinated with the way the sun streamed through the glass and turned your hair into all shades of gold. Is there a scientific explanation to it I wonder?
I wanted to study the phenomenon more but an urgent call took me away and I had to leave that puzzle unsolved.
You bumped into me today as I was dashing to work. I nearly tripped and fell on my ass but you caught me and held me against you and for a moment, I felt safe. Until I looked up and saw your face, then I knew I would never be safe there in your arms. You threaten my very existence. I knew you were going to ruin my life. Because at that moment, my missing heart found its way back into my chest and started beating again.
You told me your name was North even though I preferred not to have known your name at all. You were asking me if I was all right and I acted all cool, like nothing happened when everything inside me was screaming at me to run away. You said you worked nearby and that I looked familiar. I indulged in small talk and forgot that I was late. You asked if I wanted to have coffee with you some time. I said, “Yeah, sure,” while mentally kicking myself in the head for being stupid. You took my number, said good bye. I couldn’t believe I did that.
I can’t wait.
It’s been a while since I wrote about you. We had coffee that day and many days after. We laughed, we talked, and shared some beautiful moments. You said you loved me and I said I loved you back. I gave you my heart and more. I thought this was it, this was going to last forever. Then you woke up one day and said you wanted out. It killed me to let you go but I did.
It’s been years since then. I almost forgot you. Until I saw you again and I felt myself crumble like the day I let you go. You walked past me and I watched you move farther and farther away spinning dreams that would never become reality.
- Dress from Forever 21
- Stacked bracelets from Sugar Rush
- Shoes from Parisian
- Bag was thrifted
- Cat ears from Rhea
Photo by Rhea Bue